Two Men and a Baby
by nicol-leoraine
Summary: Rodney's mouth always get's them into trouble. Written for SGA LFWS prompt: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


**Title**: Two men and a baby

**Author**: Nicol Leoraine

**Beta-reader**: Tania

**Character(s): **John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex

**Disclaimer:** Stargate belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., no infringements of any rights is intended.

**A/N:** This fic was written for SGA LWFS Session Four, Warm Up Round. The prompt for the round was to write two stories in different genres, but to the same phrase. I choose _**Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. **_The other story I wrote for the prompt is called _Metamorphosis _and it was posted here too. Enjoy and please let me know what you think.

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The first time Rodney saw a newborn, he was standing wide eyed in a small, dirty room, facing the proud parents. The father was clutching the baby, still bright red, with wrinkled skin and a toothless mouth wide open in midst of an unhappy wail, probably complaining about the fact that it had been born into a poor little family, with a small house, not the brightest of minds, and on a planet that was pretty familiar with wraith cullings. At least that was what Rodney thought was the only thing worth emitting that awful sound for.

"How can it be so loud?" He asked, turning to Sheppard, only to have to repeat the question in a louder voice. Sheppard only shrugged and looked at the baby with a silly smile.

"Dunno. Isn't it cute though?"

"Are you mad? It's all wrinkly and red, and do you see those ears? I didn't know Vulcans had reached the Pegasus galaxy." McKay snorted and continued his rant. "I think we should sample that voice, amplify it and then put it on a planet wide warning system, in case of another culling. Why do we try to help these people realize the Wraith aren't gods that can be appeased by few sacrifices? All we need to do is put together some screaming infants and they would turn around and be gone before you can say subspace."

Sheppard was still smiling and making idiotic grimaces at the baby, but the corner of his mouth moved and he hissed, "Shut it McKay, and try to look happy. It's not often we get a chance to be present at a moment like this. Remember this is the leader's daughter and it's an honour to give our blessing to her child."

McKay moaned. "Yes, but does it have to be so damn ugly?"

Rodney barely finished the sentence when he realized something was wrong. Like in, an apocalyptic wrong way. Because said 'ugly' child stopped wailing the moment he opened his mouth. He was already speaking louder to be heard, so to the parents, his statement came out as a shout. Sheppard winced. Then frowned, throwing Rodney one of those trademark Sheppard looks, the ones he reserved for the likes of Kolya or Michael.

"Uh, I mean... the weather. Does it have to be so ugly at such a wonderful day?" McKay stuttered, trying to save the situation, because they needed these people and their contacts with other trading partners. Sheppard swallowed and closed his eyes, probably counting to ten. The father took two steps to the window and pulled up the curtains. Outside, the sun was shining and there was barely a cloud. The father frowned and looked at McKay accusingly, while the new mother latched at her baby, grabbing it from his arms. The baby of course protested to such sudden movements and started wailing again. It took only one hiccup, and the mother joined in. This time even Sheppard had trouble concealing his wince. The sound was truly awful.

"My baby's not uuuugly," the woman wailed.

"You're so dead, McKay." Sheppard hissed, and then with a painful smile walked toward the woman and the child.

"Of course he's not ugly. He's a really cute little boy. Every baby is beautiful." He tried to sound upbeat, but the woman hiccupped, and started wailing louder, cussing at him in a language he didn't know.

"What's wrong now?" He looked at her husband, confused.

"It's a girl, not a boy." The father answered curtly and Rodney would have said 'Ah ha, now who messed up?' If not for the fact that the man looked ready to lunge at them, and Sheppard probably wouldn't have appreciated it either.

"Uh, I'm sorry. You know it's hard to know when they're so young. And at our planet, blue is the colour for boys and the girls get pink..." Sheppard pointed at the dark blue towel the baby was draped in, hoping it would be enough to calm the situation down, while internally cussing Teyla for being sick with some cold right when they needed her the most. At least Ronon was waiting for them outside. There was no guessing what the Runner would've said if confronted by this situation. It was enough that Rodney had to be there in the first place.

After a few placating words, plenty of excuses for the misunderstanding and a cup of not so good tea later, Sheppard and Rodney gave the child their blessing in form of several small packages that Teyla managed to come up with before their trip. There were clothes, toys and other stuff the men didn't even know the use of and frankly, didn't care. When the new mother calmed down enough to appreciate the gifts and said that maybe the child was crying simply because it was hungry, both Sheppard and McKay excused themselves and backpedaled out of the house. They left the village at an equally fast speed.

"How did it go?" Ronon asked, falling beside Rodney. Sheppard snorted, taking the lead and letting Rodney explain. After a not so clear rehash of the situation, and after Ronon finally stopped laughing, Rodney threw his hands into the air.

"I don't get it. Why was everyone swooning over that infant and saying how beautiful it was when in fact it looked more like a miniature version of Glum?"

Sheppard couldn't help chuckling, and then coughed to camouflage it. Ronon just raised his eyebrow in a good imitation of Te'alc.

"Who is Glum?"

"More like what…" McKay mumbled with a shake of his head. "Next movie night we're watching Lord of the Rings." Sheppard just waved him off, pretending to cough again. No way was he joining this debate.

"Never mind that, Chewie. The problem is, that baby was ugly. So why was everyone saying it wasn't?"

"Every newborn is ugly, McKay." Ronon said after a moment. "They can't be pretty with all that blood and stuff that comes out with them. But in few days, they're cute. They have to be, it's the way nature made them. Especially for their own parents, otherwise nothing would stop the adults from getting rid of them the moment they started screaming for food, and making that God awful smell. Trust me; you weren't a pretty child either. The only difference between you and that baby is that she'll grow out of it. There's no help for you." With that, Ronon gave McKay a manly shove, then sped up and slapped Sheppard on the back. It sounded like their leader had something big lodged in his throat.

The End


End file.
